Lost in the Rain

There was a moment when we came out of the cinema where I lost myself in the rain with him - it was so cold, I had my stilettos on so I could barely walk & my teeth had begun to chatter.

He pulled me over to a dry area in China town under a slight ridge & I put some boots on - we were lucky to find a coffee shop that was open in Leicester Square where the airy scenic & busy photographs of people in the surroundings of Paris etc gave it a more intellectual space.

I showed him my book, he said he had met this man and read some of his work, it always reminds me that I would like to do more reading.

I asked him 'what he was doing tomorrow?' - he was 'going to a meeting' & 'well there's money there' he said! - with a certainty in his voice.

I talked so much about the stuff that we'd been doing, I knew I had to stop somehow and so much later on remembered on the way home in the silence that it was the Black Teapot bought by a Chinese woman that had left that hole when I had arranged everything so carefully & so cleverly in the first few days when I was so sad at being extracted from my handmade life into the chaos of somebody elses just for someone elses sense of satisfaction & this reminded me also that I have to re-educate myself all over again to be quiet when it matters? -  inwardly this caused me much sadness and shame that I must begin all over again? - when that incessant chatter begins but never ends & stops me from remembering what was taken & how, then how it had been replaced.........................& then the space left over by its exit  that can be filled up in a glance & that it matters that emptiness that can be so unbearable.

The fact that the whole of my personal tableau had been organised around the structure & quality of that Black teapot had made an impact -

My internal spaces and links had suddenly been destroyed by that Chinese woman who bought that central object of that particular world & now the shelf was a mess, a shambles & had to be re-organised like something that didn't matter so much anymore..................................

AF11

Photo - Alex Falcao